You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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