I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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