I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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