Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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