just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
