Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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