I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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