when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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