I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You made out with two different species that night
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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