I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
