how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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