She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
