Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
