If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
