my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
