I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
