Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
