He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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