Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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