he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
