that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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