rhymes with "ouble enetration"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
