anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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