I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
