I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
