we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
