Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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