The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
