just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
