apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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