i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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