Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
