I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
