i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
