Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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