I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Randomize
