There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
