I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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