Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
