i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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