WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
