I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
