I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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