I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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