all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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