my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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