Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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