we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
