just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
