Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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