Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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