Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
