Umm I'm too high to move.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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