I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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