I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
