i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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