your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
