Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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