Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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