i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
