Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
