I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
