Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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