Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
