Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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