I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
