I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Let's get the cat blown out
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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